Skivvy: A Much More Noble Occupation

by Mark Wynn

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    Dirty Work is a magazine thing that I make
    this is issue 12, it's 8 pages of toss and silly pictures and writing gubbins and the CDr of the album which is called Skivvy: A Much More Noble Occupation
    the picture implies that it's in colour - it's not in colour, it lies
    it looks a bit shitter printed out but it was cheap

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Stopped because it was all toss. Cleaning job.


released April 19, 2015

Noise blah - Mark Wynn
Recording blah - Sam Forrrest



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Mark Wynn York, UK

28th Leeds, Irish Centre
29th Birmingham, Institute


1st Cardiff, Y-Plan
2nd London, Forum
4th Bristol, Bierkeller
5th Bournemouth, Fire Station
6th Brighton, The Old Market
8th Cambridge, Junction
9th Nottingham, Rock City
17th Glasgow Art School
... more


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Track Name: Acrylic
It keeps raining here and I am reading a book on punctuation and understanding it badly what is a conjunction subordinating clause I don't know but I do know I got paint for my birthday Acrylic but I haven't touched it cos I'm shit at it I must've been feeling overly confident that day how embarrassing next day I pushed past some people in the queue last night and I didn't even need to be in the queue last night I just did it by my mistakes seem to make a sense to me and I don't know why but you were in my dream and I felt abandoned we were at some shitty festival I was in one of them silly rain mac type things you didn't want anything to do with me I'm even victimized by my own dreams it seems to me how ludicrous I shaved my head spent an extra whatever in bed slept until I couldn't sleep no more awoke looked around the room remembered I'd kissed you in dream and all the shops were closing down our street I saw a something approaching me I didn't know what it was I turned to run and then it caught up with me turned and it said no I used to have a thing about Link Wray no I used to play him every saturday alright
Track Name: The Clive Anderson Walk-Outs Song
'Here you go back on the internet, happy days' a man who just bashed on our door I was afraid because he knocked pretty violently and a woman sat in her car on a terraced street listening to the bee gees in the rain in her car parked up. These the things I see and wonder how and why I can be so stupid sometimes and be so incapable as if to say to a girl nearby can you watch these drinks like my mate told me to do it last night but I couldn't I just looked at him and said I can't I couldn't kept repeating it and he was laughing kept telling me to go do it kept saying I couldn't go do it eventually went outside for a cigarette which was rubbish
Track Name: Boys Don't Cry (Massive Turn On)
Waking sleep and all of this writing down my leg do you like to keep abreast of current affairs no I like to avoid it as much as possible pathetic yes piss taking no money grabbing tossers in silly clothes drinking flash and spitting at each other have a baby and welcome to the spitting at each other I'm in a band were all in a band are your chicken bakes still warm no smart phone no blokes walking round banging on about their conquests organic supermarket expensive 'baby, we can walk' a young couple the girl biking the boy running beside and oh my god I think i'm bout to cry but I don't why? cos boys don't cry

big man pissing behind and audi outside Dusk Fibzees someone just said it it's called Fibbers you cunt it had a refurb I preferred it how it was before but really it's none of my business how much for three beers and three jager don't make him do maths this sounds outdated everyone's going to the gym and there's now an american section in the supermarket on goodramgate massive turn pretty pictures of nice things happening I'm bored you're boring and oh so pretty vacant which is someone elses statement

Men who stand in takeaways leer at girls over pieces of meat fried in oil not gin and this is a true fact at some point someone was sad and then happy and then fell asleep and woke up said again afterwards everything will be pointless and animals are idiots okay but at least they act on impulse understand things better it doesn't matter where I defecate really what is a sell by date I like bamboo and you do too shall we have sex I wanna go to Filey there's nothing there exactly
Track Name: Burger Not In Bap
Burger not in bap cheap bread not so obviousley eddible fat lad neck deep in his just purchased piece of whatever your dinners in the oven careful you the plates hot and I was drunk so I forgot to bring them jeans mark said to me he'd get them next week and I feel like I fell asleep and woke up half way through the moo vee I did it so it'd rhyme I did it so it'd rhyme

And so I find man type man made men in the toilets of the place she never liked to go to he's pissing missing most of the toilet bowl I regret the hole in the soul of my shoe out at ten to two leave walk up the street and all you happy bastards get on my tits and mr mason wood just give me a pill for anxiety I put it in my pocket see cos I'm clever like that asking you questions like what happened why's he now dead I thought he was a goodie why does that one there owe everybody money cos he's a dick head with cash are we near the end is that attractive girl still about no that's a shame can we go back a few scenes then no sorry I lost consciousness agen it all got away from me let's take more about men

men type people can't do talking to girls as far as I can see why? cos men type people can't do talking to girls not unless they're loaded and the girl in question can't leave cos she's working in the bar she works in pathetic
Track Name: A Man In The Supermarket Wiping down The Fruit
And then there was a girl there's always a girl I think she was called Clowie but I can't really recall because apparently we had absinthe I don't know anyway she was talking to someone else and I was sat there feeling stupid but I can't really recall because apparently we had absinthe.

Next scene in which our intrepid hero mark wynn attempts to go to the supermarket but gets side tracked by books in amnesty and the owner and his dog talking about people coming into his shop and when they leave he slags them off and that was just an excuse to contact you a man in the supermarket wiping down the fruit and I should really go blow my nose properly but I'm enjoying how much my sniffing is annoying the old woman two seats in front of me outside the man smoking in his yard telling his dog to shut up shut up shut up
Track Name: I'm Bob Ferris x3 (And You're John Cale)
Time was you could get paid now you stay at home nothing to say this just a joke turn into a local layabout they've fucked it now everyone is in an out that you got why should I care it's all nonsense anyway yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Escape from nothing much inparticular a new druggy scene how exciting the same old three day hangover disgusting one day a little better the next the third how am I still feeling this ill oh yeah I remember it comes over you in waves anxiety

I exist not deluded he ses I like your music yeah yeah yeah i like it a lot we should jam sometime man I've got a mate who's got a mate who's got a friend who's got a Djembe

Make a list look at it go see your Nan stop cutting yourself off think about the future tidy the house buy a good card for their anniversary on Monday make a list look at it and think food is culture isn't it as is style but when we get down to it you're probably a twat your shoes are shit your misses won't fuck you anymore you fella treats you like a prostitute don't want his hairy arse on top of you

local singer man fall out with the band
mate, look understand
no mate you look understand
you drive me to distraction playing me your latest offering on headphones do I do this to you no I don't think that I do and what difference does that make exactly Mark

Escape from nothing much inparticular dishwasher my hands got soft when I left sat around the house all day nothing to say turn on the tv and drift away and think Natasha Kaplinsky

Quiz night two pint think I'll enter anyway which tv sitcom Mr Mackay Porridge which reminds me I always wanted to be Terry not Bob unfortunately I got it wrong I'm Bob Ferris and you're John Cale
Track Name: Last Night I Made A Tape
Last Night I Made a tape made the mistake of putting squeeze at the end of it pulling muscles from a shell gets on my tits after a while cool for cats reminds me of being a kid and up the junction makes me sad almost as sad as how happy I was glad two nights ago when a man asked me if I wanted to go outside and smoke a fat one I didn't cos I don't smoke but I was very pleased that even though I don't I was at least the kind of person who would be asked if they wanted to go outside and smoke a fat one after this I went home and next day I wrote a song about it called last night I made a tape made the mistake of putting squeeze at the end of it and following I am a child by neil young with Mars Bar by the undertones and I only managed to get half of eighties by killing joke which was a bugger I remember thinking as a kid that sounds like come as you are oh how clever on the other side I put my favourite tracks from transformer vicous I'm so free new york telephone conversation which reminds me last night I met a man he said he didn't like saxophone I said I didn't either and then he said name me one good bit of saxophone in a song I said I couldn'th think of one and then a man walked past he was called joe and he said what about that bit in walk on the wild side and he said oh yeah but it's got that really nice bit of sliding bass on it which apparently means it doesn't count as a piece of saxophone work I didn't understand it and then he ses you'll probably write about me in one of your songs won't ya no maybe but it's just transcribing information not malicious I'm only taking the piss in my song which is called last night I made a tape
Track Name: Night Courses
Bad sleep and night courses in creative writing since retiring she needed something to do the place is heaving so I slip off easy and avoid anymore of this thrilling conversation stand at the back neon image flash on plastic screen and I just don't know what to say and everything is the same everything is the same
Track Name: Billy Billy I Love You #2
I wear a striped shirt one I think I look good in see a picture realize I look daft in my striped shirt I can't wear clothes I can't wear trainers cos I feel like a kid I can't wear shoes because I feel like I look like a prick in them are those brogues she ses two nights ago a girl I used to sleep with and can share a silence with no wanker on a bike knobhead you what mate knobhead yeah walk away hope he isn't following me though cos I won't be able to follow it through even though that I would like to batter his head off a curb health obsessed gym membership smoking straight cigarette weekend away come back find it's just the same if not worse always the same name address the number cross the back of the card pin blance inquiry fuck fucked it up agen friends no longer friends the owner comes in on his day off knobhead got a lot to do none of it with you pound pizza it's pepsi not coke okay I know what's in your bag can I put a poster up it's for a gig social network drink drink drink stay connected
Track Name: Day Trip To Heckmondwike
Drinking Budwizer in a car near Batley romantic pass the biscuit factory foxes ma worked there in the seventies apparently she thinks I'm mental not surprised candle wax standing on her son at a working mens club in Heckmondwike and a woman at the back ses you get worse every time you come 2.60 a bottle of newcastle brown bog door is bust shut that one it's freezing keep on thinking simon's coming but he's nowhere to be seen which is a bugger I wanted to see him haven't seen him for years said I'd buy him a few drinks on account of the fact he said he was skint plus years ago when he had that inheritance he kept us in booze all summer long getting messy staying out till all hours getting paggered radiator let your food digest mantra diagram x ray here sir you can see the back tooth pushing through onto the next it'll have to come out what are you talking about I've only just got the fucker in wisdem tooth proof if proof were needed if there is a god he's got a twisted sense of humour we'll put these babies in they'll hurt and will have to be extracted oh david you're so wicked (cos god is called david in my song) is what I wrote in my notebook when I was drinking budwizer in a car near Batley this the life I dreamed envisaged when I was a kid looking at pictures of Slash in total guitar magazine stripped to the waist in the back bedroom playing along to nighttrain on my guitar is it any wonder I thought I was gay there for a minute local music survey the scene a bottle of banks's bitter and a pack of amber leaf no filters extra slim i'll go without yellow fingers mysterious half answered questions we can't talk about it it's a secret it's a secret putting in the hours on the social media i'm doing this i'm doing that and it's all a load of bollocks is the profound ending to my song
Track Name: Paul McCartney Up The Shard (That's A Bit Dated)
This one's called Paul McCartney up the shard talking about auto tuned vocals is the advert which stops me watching Panda videos on youtube when I'm pissed and hungover and in love with what I'm ot suppose to be in love with anymore but how am I meant to kill it I can't Bitter jaded cynical aye but not complaining and if I'm straight as I can be as a man said to me in bognor he said to me explained it if you're not bitter or jaded
you're either shit or successful the man in the bon jovi tribute jaded I doubt it I don't know I don't have many friends in Bon jovi tribute acts

I make records I don't buy them he ses to me not unless they're brilliant are the ones I make brilliant perhaps not music made by record collectors I don't want it lovely LP vinyl sounds great play it through a shit system what's it gonna sound like naff innit uniform definition tricked by the mechanism of what it is nostalgia for something that for you never once did exist that was about my barren sex life copping off to killing moon opinionated tossers on the internet folk singers on twitter careerist cock ends touch out here on the road getting pissed reading books.
Track Name: 'I Once Fingered A Girl Who Had Rejected Rick Witter'
'I once fingered a girl who had rejected Rick Witter in Glasgow's art school bar' man on twitter 16 hours ago I had to get off it it's like hanging round the post box all day crazed for contact any kind of involvement is wrong strange and cruel I wish to be autonomous and willing to be wrong a lot of people paint to the fall

half quotation 'he maintained his visionary anarchist position through all cultural change thanks to age and consistency' be consistent make things nothing is an accident you have yet to link up the points of understanding cause and effect control is required a lot of people paint to the fall

a bad performance this the product of something if I am on first to no one I will react in such a way I don't care it's not important I don't see the point in trying to entertain explain myself to a couplea chairs regardless play like you're at wembley stadium what badly due to the sound fear of people i'm in the habit and there's only the bar staff don't tell me what to do

then she sits down and ses to me on the dusk balcony: you've got something in your eye mark, here let me get it get away from me space personal space and books on how to be creative I sit and read through one in your posh house in your nice gaff try these exercises they make you write really good stories

slag she's a slag I know she is but I suppose I'd still like to fuck her shut that right up jack off into a thermal sock in the summer time when the weather is high think I'll buy a book no why bother maybe I should finish that bunch by the bed over flowing on the floor work on the grammar a lot of people paint to the fall

skim read one about what in waterstones about what the other day didn't buy it couldn't afford it but I did manage to get a good percentage of it in my head illicitly is a word I like a lot it might not be the right one but who cares cos last night I said something about the bullying reflex and the man I was talking to thought I was saying something about the mechanical bull in reflex which is a shit club in york I was amused by this conversation and then I saw dullard in a nice shirt making your girlfriend carry your drum stool I have never bought a plant three separate women have bought me a cactus pass the window with all the couples playing at it like in the movies ooh I love it here it's so kitch how much is this costing me he ses to himself see it written on all their faces I want sex I want never gets ses me mam and why did you ask your mum about that exactly a lot of people paint to the fall gotta stop wearing collars you think you look like mark e smith don't ya girl with a party hat on at the bar looks slightly out of place

so all is influence and a package yet to e delivered I wait and I wait and I take a bike out of someone's front garden because he said I could have it and when I wake up early I feel good because I'm up early but then I can't function and as the day wears on I feel more dislocated from it all and I'm staring at a white wall thinking how I'd like to be like Tom Courtenay cos he's cool and black and white and i'm night after night sat around writing lists of things to do but I won't do them cos i'm an idiot cos when I wake up early in the morning I feel good cos I'm up early in the morning but really I'm still asleep and I keep remembering certain occurrences and I sometimes I wish my mind would just shut up a lot of people paint to the fall
Track Name: Sex Legs
I didn't want to but I had no choice you're not killing me I listen out as you lose your voice and then you wanna watch tv with me like I said I'm not into feeding dead babies to dead dogs you say you love me when we fuck in the morning I walk home with the sex legs

hang around in the open spaces I get bored and wanna go back home tell the man he has a nice face shut up please I wanna go back home sky is dark I've run out of matches I wanna set fire to three years of a past time this sounds like a folky song I don't like folky songs like this one or wagon wheel bob dylan wrote half of this one an all I didn't really need him to but he said he wanted to help cos he was bored

bored bob

my mam used to have a pantry but she knocked the walls through cos she's insane about home improvements I was menna be called Keith Richard Wynn but me mam wouldn't have me named after a junkie and there was a kid in her school and he was and I quote a bit not all there and she didn't want the name to rub off on me luckily I'm called mark and I'm really well adjusted to life

I get bored in conversation start thinking about sex and drugs start thinking about when and why you take them because it's fun to be fucked up but is it really when you can't sleep and there's a kid shouting in the street and it's three o clock in the afternoon I like to think that I'm somebody if I didn't I'd think was no one

now songs like this tend to resolve or have a moral or something funny like that at the end but I haven't got one I only wrote this song cos my friend rob said he liked my acoustic stuff more so here's a song for my friend rob the liar he's a nice man he let me stay at his house in southampton rob rob rob rob rob rob if you were a girl we'd have really awkward sex in a van